I’m working on the sequel to The Charlatan’s Boy, scheduled to release about this time next year. I’ve got a great idea for a scene involving a guy who wants to fight people who don’t laugh at his jokes. I’ve just got one small problem. I can’t seem to come up with a joke that isn’t funny. So, dear reader, here’s your assignment for Audience Participation Friday: tell us an unfunny joke. By ‘unfunny’ I don’t, of course, mean offensive or cruel. I just mean it misses the mark of funniness. I look forward to enjoying your creativity (or not enjoying it, if all goes well).
Knock knock.Who’s there?
Banana is my favorite fruit.
A panther and a turtle sat on a creekbank. The panther says to the turtle, “Do you have much problem with alligators?” “Nope,” the turtle replies. So the panther left.
Two feechies was walking in the woods. One says to the other, “Say, you hear that sound? That right there is a snackfer.” The other one says, “A snackfer? What’s a snackfer?” So the first one says, “Uh, I don’t know, but it sure makes pretty sounds, don’t it?”
On the Drover Roads you got three types of fellers: Them that will steal your cattle, them that will not steal your cattle, and them that don’t do neither.
How many Feechies does it take to catch a gator?
About 3, depending upon the size of the gator.
Charlatan’s Boy-related humor (or lack of humor)…I like it, Aaron. Especially the drover joke. Strong, un-funny work. I am not amused.
What rhymes with blood and combines water and dirt?
Mood. (Pronounced “mud.”)
What’d the blind man say to the uninteresting man?
I can’t see why that matters.
What’s the difference between orange the color and orange the fruit?
Orange the fruit is a fruit, you see. And the color orange is a color, similar to red.
This kind’er thang is easy in real life, but when the pressure’s on, it makes it hard. I know that at least one of those was slightly amusing. I’m sorry for that.
No, SD. Don’t be hard on yourself. These aren’t funny at all. I take that back. That second one is funnier than you think. I think we’re all seeing that funny jokes are easy compared to un-funny jokes. I hope you’ll all remember that the next time somebody is boring you with jokes that aren’t remotely funny.
(My kids may or may not have helped me here)1) What kind of food is hot & cold? chili
2) Why did the man throw the pot out the window? to hit someone on the head
3) ding dong? who’s there? me, the knocker was broke.
4) How do you stump a dumb Feechie?……….I don’t know either but everyone keeps asking me that.
5) A 3-legged gator walks into a Feechie camp and says, “I’m lookin for the man who shot me paw.”
6) A vampire goes to the blood bank & asks to make a withdrawal.
Oh, my goodness. Aaron’s found his hidden talent. Well…wasn’t he also the ugly short guy in the feechie film festival who did the ET screaming moment with the cute little girl? Maybe he’s multi-talented.
Dan, your “jokes” have the all the marks of those “Good Clean Jokes for Kids” books. #2 is good and un-funny, though. Sally, you’re right about Aaron. He’s only four feet tall.
This is my favorite joke of all time… “So, they were having a strong man contest at the Middenmarsh Stock Market and there was three contestants that each claimed they was strong enough to throw a brick to the moon: a Drover, a Pirate, and a Showman. The Drover threw the brick way up in the air… but it came back down. Then the Pirate threw the brick a way way up in the air… but it came back down again. Then that Showman threw the brick a way way way up in the air… and it didn’t come back down!” -get it? hahaha!
Latter in the routine, after everyone has forgotten about the previous “joke”:
“There were two Feechies taking a flight on the back of a Bog Owl all over Corenwald. One was smoking cigar it had swiped from a charlatan, and the other had brought along a baby alligator. Now the one with the alligator is turning blue in the face and coughing up a storm, and said to the other “Throw out that stinky stick, it’s making me sick”, to which it replied “only if you toss that gator! It keeps nipping me and is tearing me up”. “It’s a deal!” they said together, threw off their baggage and enjoyed the rest of their trip together. When they landed in Feechiefen at the end of their journey they found the baby alligator was held in one of the owl’s talons, and what do you think was in the gator’s mouth?!”
The crowd groans “The cigar of course”.
“Nope. It was the brick.” Not very funny, but I love it.
Jonathan, you can,t use Aarons” drover joke. It is much too good, great in fact. My kind of joke. On second thought maybe you can use it.
Thanks for your support Delacy. I think.
This is my daughter Hannah’s favorite joke. She says she thought of it all by herself:
What’s brown and sticky?
Want to know something funny, Mark? That is one of Russ Ramsey’s favorite jokes too, according to his wife. He must have heard it from your daughter.
I’m surprised Aaron R didn’t mention a joke that he claims to have made up when he was a young pup:
Mickey Mouse’s underwear.
Of course, Aaron thinks that’s funny, which I suppose is why he didn’t mention it here.
You hit the nail on the head Jonathan. I tried to figure out how to make that joke unfunny in lots of ways, but it just can’t be done. What can I say. 1976 was a banner year for making up hilarious knock knock jokes.